Remember what it was like before we could comment on everything?
Seriously, just think back twenty years ago. Someone would do something and if you had something to say you either had to say it in front of people (scary!) or not say it at all. How crazy was that?!?
Today, we can leave comments on anything, then comment on that comment, then blog about the comment about the comment, and it literally never ends. I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing, I’m just saying it’s kind of strange, you know?
Personally, I’ve noticed a few things about comments and the people who make them. So of course, I’m going to blog about comments, because in doing so I’m commenting about comments.
Here are the 10 types of people who leave annoying comments on Facebook. Yes, I’m saying there are only 10. What’s that? You think there are more? Well guess what — you can comment about my blog about comments. Or you can just shut up and read this.
1. The Uninvited Life Coach
Let’s be honest — we all like fixing other people. Whether it’s directly with our advice or indirectly with our love, we have a collective obsession with making ourselves feel good by helping other people not suck.
But there are some people who literally cannot turn this off, and I’m looking at you uninvited life coaches. These people are constantly trying to fix people that have in no way asked for assistance. It’s even worse when they advertise their services as part of their unsolicited helping.
Secret desire: To be loved by being useful.
2. The Humble Braggart
Everything this person shares is a subtle way of telling you how awesome they are.
“OMG that totally reminds me of advice Tony Robbins gave me when we were having lunch the other day… he said “don’t give up on you dreams” and that advice made such a difference in me being able to build my 6-figure business selling life-coaching to life-coaches.”
Secret desire: To have other people admire them.
3. The “Look How Sexual I Am” Guy
Not to say this is always a guy buuuuut… it’s almost always a guy. This one is quite simple, just imagine that everything people are saying is a comment about something you’ve experienced in bed.
Secret desire: To prove they are no longer the sexually repressed person from their youth.
4. The Pathological Contrarian
Guilty as charged. I do this all the time, and it’s actually gotten to the point where I check myself because I don’t want to be the kind of person who just automatically contradicts what it is said.
Secret desire: To prove they don’t think like the crowd.
5. The “I’m Smart Too!” Person
This person will see someone else say something smart or wise and instead of celebrating that, they will need to add some comment that let’s the world know that they know that too. Often it’s paired with a condescending “I already knew that” vibe.
Totally! I realized this valuable insight three years ago, and I’m glad you’re realizing it 🙂
Secret desire: To finally show their grade school teachers how much of a good student they are.
6. The Outraged Justice Warrior
A few months ago I wrote a short status after standing up for a friend that got attacked online. I wrote.
Pick one person,
Stand up for them,
My outraged justice warrior friend replied with:
Get their permission. Don’t assume people want to be rescued.
The hallmark of the outraged justice warrior is that nothing is ever good enough, so they will fight to the death to let you know you haven’t lived up to their lofty standards.
Secret desire: To live a life that’s morally superior to others.
7. The Political Firestarter
This was was worse prior to the 2016 election, but when it was bad — it was baaaaad.
I literally had to delete people’s comments if they started a political discussion because it would spiral out of control and all of a sudden one of my Bernie supporting friends and one of my conservative Navy friends are engaging in a political showdown on my Facebook wall.
Secret desire: To fuel the fire for their cause through arguing about it.
8. The “Take Everything Seriously” Guy
As someone who writes with absolutely no sarcasm at all, I find this one hilarious.
I’ll watch people take what I say totally literally, no matter what the context, then make comments that show they totally missed the boat.
Secret desire: To be a good boy/girl.
9. The “On Brand” Commenter
This person is almost as annoying as the uninvited life-coach because they are essentially advertising on your comment feed. They will always tie everything back to their personal brand, and if they are really annoying they’ll throw in one of their favorite hashtags.
Secret desire: To become a celebrity.
10. The Person Who Lacks Brevity
Sorry friend, but I don’t have time to read your life story. If you’re going to write something long-winded will you at least have the decency to use paragraph breaks? For those who don’t know, command + enter will give you a paragraph break in the middle of a Facebook comment.
Secret desire: To get people to listen to them.
That’s it! Any categories I missed? Leave a comment on Facebook. Of course.