Let’s talk about sex.
In fact, I want to share something that I like sexually, and to be honest, it’s weirded people out in the past. They say it ruins the mood, they say I over do it, and they say I shouldn’t need that before sex.
I guess you could even say it’s my sexual fetish.
Yeah, talking. Some people find it really weird that I want to talk so much before sex. Especially if this is our first time having sex, I want to talk a lot, because there’s a lot I want to know.
For example, I want to know about any relationships you have and if there’s anyone that would be concerned if they knew we were having sex.
I want to know when you’ve last been tested and what the results were.
I got tested 2 weeks ago and I’m clear for HIV, Chlamydia, Gonorrhea and Syphilis. I have HSV-1, which is oral herpes. In case you were wondering, 80% of Americans have HSV-1 (oral herpes) and 25% of Americans have HSV-2 (genital herpes).1
I also want to know what turns you on, and what turns you off.
I love deep scratching and massage because it helps me get into my body, and I also love it when you run your hair along my skin. I don’t like tickling!
Oh, and you know what one of my biggest turn ons is?
Your voice. More specifically, when you tell me exactly what you want. That’s a huge turn on for me. What you like, what you don’t like, how something could be better, when something doesn’t feel good, all of that.
You see, one of the things I’ve noticed over the years is that men and women aren’t encouraged to use our voices when it comes to sex, and that’s too bad. It’s such a gift when you tell me what you want and how you want it, because then I don’t have to guess.
I’ll be letting you know exactly what I like, because I want to make your job as easy as possible.
I want to establish communication as a value beforehand so I can trust that you will speak up if something isn’t working for you. There may be times when I don’t realize what’s going on for you. Let’s face it, I have a hard enough time realizing what’s going on for myself, so when you help me by sharing your world, it’s a huge service.
Hearing what you want is like getting the answer key before taking a test. Not that having sex is like taking a test, but there’s always a little voice in my head that wants to do a good job.
Communication is the best lubrication.
It may seem at times like all this talking is tedious, when what we really want to do is jump each other’s bones, but in my experience it’s always worth it, especially with a new partner.
What happens after we’ve taken the time to fully get to know each other is we can relax, and play, and roll around together without internalizing anything that comes up. And if something comes up, we’ve already established that open communication is something we care about, so we can feel good about that.
Is talking this much something I recommend for everyone?
I don’t know. It works for me, but I’m also a geek about sex and relationships. What I’ve noticed over the years is the more open, clear and transparent people are with each other the less drama there is, the closer we feel and the sexier our connection is.
In a sneaky way, I’ve actually been acting out my fetish with you, dear reader. You just read (or listened) to me talk about what I like, and you’ve gotten to know me.
It’s funny how we do that as writers. In a way, we are always seducing our audience by revealing ourselves in ways that create deeper connection.
So of course it brings me to my favorite question.
What about you?
Come find out at IntimacyFest, happening June 15-18