My Dad is in his mid-60s, and the rate at which his friends are getting prostate cancer is staggering.
It seems as though every time I talk to him he tells me about someone else who got diagnosed. It’s become so commonplace that I started to do research, and discovered that 1 in 7 men living in the United States will be diagnosed with prostate cancer in their lifetime.1
But that wasn’t the most interesting statistic.
I also found a study that compared overall cancer rates in gay men vs straight men. In every category gay men have a higher risk of cancer except for one.
You guessed it — prostate cancer.
In fact, according to one study titled “Cancer Survivorship and Sexual Orientation”2 gay men have one-third the risk of prostate cancer as compared to straight men. That’s a huge difference — especially considering the fact that gay men are already at a higher overall risk of cancer.
And just in case my conclusion here isn’t clear, I’ll state the obvious and tell you that gay men spend a lot more time stimulating their prostate than the average straight guy. I’ll also add that this is the conclusion I’ve drawn based on the data I found. I’m not a doctor, nor am I making concrete claims about prostate cancer (although I’d love to see more research done).
That being said, if you’re not into science and research I came prepared with four more awesome reasons the average straight guy should start poking around his butt.
Reason #2 — It’s the male G-spot
Most men that consider themselves “good at sex” say that because they’ve learned a thing or two about women’s sexuality. They can tell you what kinds of orgasms a woman has, they can point out where the clitoris is and they can give out all sorts of cliché advice about how to pleasure a woman.
But what about our own bodies? What about our own pleasure? What about our own different types of orgasms?
The thing that most men don’t realize is that our G-spot is just as fantastic and pleasurable as a woman’s — and it operates with a similar instruction manual.
In the same way that a G-spot orgasm for women can open up new worlds of sensation — prostate pleasure can do the same for men. Not to say that one type of orgasm is better than another, but in my experience orgasms that involve both my prostate and my genitals are often longer and more intense.
While it’s hard to describe what that’s like for someone who has never experienced it, I like to use the analogy of someone standing on the side of a highway watching cars go by.
An orgasm with only genital stimulation (for me) is like feeling a Ferrari whiz by at 70 mph. It buzzes by and gives you a rush. An orgasm with prostate and genital stimulation is like standing in the same location but instead of a Ferrari whizzing by it’s an 18-wheeler Mack truck.
All of the best orgasms of my life have come from adding prostate stimulation.
Reason #3 — You become a better lover
There’s no way to truly understand what it’s like to be fucked until you’ve experienced it.
We all want to be sensitive to our lover’s needs, but since most straight men only know what it’s like to be the fucker — their understanding of a woman’s needs is theoretical at best.
When a man actually gets that, it changes everything. He understands what a woman needs — but not just on an theoretical level, on an experiential one as well.
It was actually quite vulnerable for me when I began playing this role because I like to be the kind of person who “doesn’t need anything” and here I was with this laundry list of what I needed before being entered.
All of a sudden I really cared about the lighting in the room, the temperature being a few degrees too cold, the type of sheets on the bed and lots of things that never used to bother me.
I started to really have an appreciation for what women go through, and the kind of courage and self-awareness it takes to be penetrated, especially by a man who isn’t as sensitive as she would like him to be. Add to that any trauma she may have from sexual experiences in her past and it’s amazing women show up like they do at all.
Reason #4 — It won’t make you gay
Most straight men in the United States are constantly posturing themselves so they aren’t seen as gay. It’s ridiculous, but it’s true. I did it for many years.
Because of how afraid men are of being gay, they associate anything having to do with their ass as outside the boundaries of what it means to be “straight”, but that’s like saying playing frisbee puts you at risk of being a dog.
You either prefer men or you don’t (or you like both), but it has nothing to do with experiencing pleasure in your prostate — which by-the-way already happens every time you poop.
By breaking through this fear and involving your ass in sex, you can finally put to rest this idea that it might make you gay, and you can stop living in fear of it.
Wait — don’t just skim that part. Really consider what it’s like to live in fear of anything touching your asshole. Do you think it causes some tension? Is it relaxing? Now imagine not living in fear of that. Seriously.
Reason #5 — Sex is more interesting
One of the things I love about sex is the variety of experiences it can offer.
Especially if I’ve been with a sexual partner for a while, I love being able to mix things up, try new things and play different roles.
The default for me as a man is to be the penetrator. I’m the giver and the woman receives. While that’s totally awesome, sometimes I feel like a band that has played their hit song at every show for ten years.
I love receiving, and I love playing both roles — so being open to ass-play adds new layers of complexity to my sex life that wouldn’t otherwise be there. By being open to playing this way I can also give women the chance to express a different part of themselves that would normally be dormant.
Soooooooo… if lowering your risk of prostate cancer, experiencing a G-spot orgasm, being a better lover and adding variety and excitement to your sex life has peaked your interest — then congratulations! You might be ready to explore your prostate.
The fear of our ass isn’t something we were born with, it’s something we’ve been conditioned to fear thanks to the homophobic culture most of us grew up in. Outside of the United States (and a few other uber-religious countries) men don’t have the same kind of hang ups about their ass being touched.
Letting go of this conditioning isn’t as hard as you think and the best part is you can do it in the privacy of your shower, your bedroom or your relationship. When most guys who haven’t experienced this hear about it for the first time they imagine sticking some huge object up their ass but that’s insane.
Start with awareness. Let yourself explore without agenda.
Become more tuned in to that part of your body. Notice what feels good and what feels painful. If you go inside your body, do it slow and with one finger only. I promise, no one will get hurt, you won’t magically become gay and if you give yourself time and space, you’ll start to peel off the layers of shame and tension your body has been holding.
Continue building awareness, continue relaxing and soon you’ll watch yourself become more open, and less tense around that area. Try adding in genital stimulation and see how that changes things. You can explore this with a partner or by yourself.
After a while (remember to take it slow with no agenda) you’ll start to feel sensations that are worth exploring more. Often when men start this exploration it’s painful, and that’s normal — it’s also a sign you should slow down.
Take deep breaths.
If you continue this long enough and with enough patience you’ll discover that underneath the tension is pleasure, and within that pleasure lies worlds of sensation you could have never imagined.
Over time you might look back (like I did) and wonder how you went so many years — without realizing what you were missing.
For deeper (much deeper) reading & research I recommend Charlie Glickman’s easy-to-understand book — The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure
If you want to hear me talk more about this, I was interviewed by my friends Kevin and Céline on their wonderful podcast “The Love Lab”, I’m on episode 50 — Why Straight Men Should Take It Up The Ass