Ego Makes Intimacy Possible

June 1, 2016

“Drop your ego” they said.

“Love and light” they said.

“Transcend the ego” they said.

But maybe our ego is more useful than we think.

Maybe instead of something to be avoided, or dropped, or killed… it’s something to be celebrated.

If it weren’t for the ego, we would never know deep human connection. That’s because deep connection doesn’t come from transcending the ego, it comes from revealing it.

There’s nothing more shallow than two people being together who are pretending not to have an ego.

It’s not real.
It’s not interesting.
It’s not honest.

It’s also no fun when two people are acting unconsciously to meet the desires of the ego. We get tripped up there as well.

But this third option… this wonderful place where we can meet and just be ourselves, even when it’s messy, even when it’s ugly, even when it’s hard to look at, this is where the magic happens.

It’s the magic of revelation. The act of revealing yourself.

If it weren’t for the ego there would be nothing to reveal, no room to let people in, and no feeling of deep connection. In a funny way, the ego makes intimacy possible.

So let’s be nice to our egos. Instead of trying to kill them or leave them at the door, let’s welcome them to the party.

Let’s create deeper connection by offering that part of ourself to another, and in doing so, give others permission to do the same.

Let’s use the ego for what it was meant for.



Get new thought-provoking essays that question the status-quo
(and question questioning the status-quo).