Dating at the Naval Academy isn’t easy, and I believed a lot of what was stopping me was other people and the academy itself. I actually could have written a book about “things the naval academy is doing to stop me” (I had a lot of those beliefs). Now I see things a little differently, so here are the 3 biggest myths I believed when I was a mid.

Myth #1: “Never date another midshipman”

I get it, and I partially believed this too while I was at the academy. Looking back, I realize how ridiculous this was. What I realized is that I was missing out. I had some story that dating girls at the academy wouldn’t make me “cool” so I had it that this wasn’t a myth.

Here’s my truth now. Saying you shouldn’t date other midshipman is like saying black people shouldn’t vote. It’s an old belief that’s way out of date and was never true to begin with. If you don’t want to date someone at the academy, you don’t have to, but spreading the belief that women at the academy are any different than women anywhere else is a lie. Even though there are only 15% women, that still makes about 150 women per class. You are looking for one girl, maybe a few if you aren’t looking for something exclusive. Do you think you could find one in 150?

This is the same argument that guys use when they go into a bar and it’s less than 50% women. “It’s a sausage fest!”  Meanwhile there are women everywhere that no one is talking to. The men who complain about a lack of women are covering up their fear of talking to the women in front of them. This is always true. I know some incredible women who have graduated from the Naval Academy. They are amazing, and any man would be lucky to date them. Are there any women you would enjoy dating at the Naval Academy? Yes? Ask them out. It’s that simple.

We don’t need to cover up our fear and insecurity with judgment.

Myth #2: “I can’t go out as much”

This is more of an excuse than a myth. When I was a plebe I was bummed that we couldn’t go out for more than 8 hours on a Saturday, how was I supposed to meet girls? Then I found AOL instant messenger. I couldn’t go out, so I chatted online with girls and set up dates for the days I could go out. I played guitar in the stairwell on Friday nights as a youngster and made friends with people walking by (yes, I was that guy). I took advantage of movement orders to visit other colleges and went to events on the yard like the I-Ball (men are crazy not to go to the I-Ball). Some of the most memorable times at the Academy were when my friends and went on trips to away football games, we had a blast! Today with online dating and video chatting there is no excuse for not being able to have the dating life you want, even as a plebe.

Myth #3: “It’s someone else’s fault”

The root of every excuse is “I’m a victim of my circumstances”. My dating life at the Naval Academy isn’t what I want because _____________. What’s your excuse?  Mine was “there aren’t enough women”.  Some others are “I don’t have a car”, “I can’t go out on Friday nights”, “I have too much homework”.

None of that is actually stopping us, we are. When we finally realize this, we become open to the world of possibility, the world of what we could create if we didn’t have a story about what’s stopping us. Am I saying that you should have an awesome dating life at the Naval Academy? No, it’s up to you what you do. Some people have it as more of a priority than others, and they do something about it. What would your life be like if you were dating people that inspired you, brought joy into your life and helped you become a better man/woman? If that’s something you want it’s time to let go of your excuses. Most people talk about things they want, but they don’t really want it. There are a lot of people who talk about going to the Naval Academy, and chances are if they didn’t really want it, they either didn’t get in or won’t graduate.

You’ve experienced this first hand, and chances are you are at the Naval Academy or graduated from it because you really wanted it. You could have made up excuses as to why you shouldn’t apply or why they might not accept you but in the end, you really wanted it and you did it. The same applies with dating and relationships.

If you want that life bad enough, you have to go out and get it.

This is part 3 of a 4-part series entitled The Naval Academy Experience & Beyond